The Path Of Life
by Lucinda Kagamine
Summary: Japan feeling much less than his normal self. Seeks help in any way shape or form. Will he get what he desires?


Alone is where Kiku Honda sits in his house. Looking from left to right hoping for a change none has come. Everything remains in place.

A frightening cry comes from the other room. It is only frightening because he had not expected it.

But he should have after all it is his child. He ignores it and refuses to cuddle it.

At the moment he could just not handle taking care of anyone else. He could barley take care of himself. Giving birth to his capitol was unexpected. Waking up one day to find your pregnant is not enjoyable. This child not born by will was given to him being alone for so long.

But this is where he draws the line. He can not take it anymore. Sitting in his curled up position he reaches for his cellphone.

"Who will I call?"

"Who will actually bother to listen?" "Who will care?" As if the answer was sitting in front of him.

It smacks him in the face with regret. China will listen and care. But I can not I really don't deserve to even speak his name. Nor cry out for help at a time like this. When I am the one who walked away.

"I can believe the only person willing to help me is the one I pushed away." What's worse is that only he knows the reason for the pushing. Was so that he could stand beside him one day. And not follow behind being led around much like a child.

Sitting upright he takes a deep breath._ 'If you do not ask for help you will remain stuck.'_ His brain spews intense logic at him. And he can not ignore it. Lifting the phone he presses the call button.

While waiting for an answer his mind began to wander.

_'How long have I been like this?' 'Sad floating around with less than a reason to keep living.'_

_'I may have shut myself off from the world on purpose.' 'But that has never meant I wanted to tread my entire existence alone.'_ And the final thought that crosses his mind is that fact that he is scared.

"Hello...Kiku is that you?" He can feel the uneasiness in China's voice. And he has every reason to feel that way._ 'I did horrible things to him.'_

"Yes it's me." Hoping for his feelings to reach the person on the other end of the line. For he does not want to explain.

"What's wrong?" Just as expected he felt the way his words were laced with sadness. But he really didn't want to explain. The moment he opened his mouth thought the worries of sounding pathetic slipped away. All that mattered was that he needed help.

"I can't take this anymore. I'm alone, I'm scared, I had my first child."

"I'm worried about it's future and mine." "Every time I turn around I think of one more way things can go wrong." "And the thoughts in the back of my head are telling me to give in." "To destroy it all and everything that came with it." "Every thought, anxiety, emotion, and complication."

"For everything I do right despite myself I screw it all over, And send any chance of something good to happen to hell." "I'm done I'm really at the end of my rope!" "I have done so many things and they all seemed right to me at that moment!" "But they were wrong I was wrong!" "I give up..."

The tears began to cascade down his cheeks. As the yelling became louder and then stopped completely. That was when China started to talk. And by no means was he expecting it to be easy.

"Are you listening to your self! The only one standing in your way is you! You can do this!" "There has never been any doubt in my mind that you would not be able to do such a thing."

"Everything since the start has all been carefully mapped out." "With both it's up's and down's it lead you where you are today."

"It's telling you to follow on instinct." " But don't run on pure instinct take other things into consideration as well." "Life is an uphill down hill battle and what ever happens Kiku." "Fate will take you where you need to go."

That he wasn't expecting. He was thinking he was going to hear something. Along the lines of that's what you get for leaving my control. He was expecting to be let down. Before even hearing anything that could remotely help him in the least. Once again I was to hasty and judged before I could see anything at all. But that didn't stop the nagging feeling reaching inside him and tearing apart. All that he had to offer. Before he could even let China's words sink in another round of doubt had showed itself.

"I can't trust myself anymore I just can't." "I feel so lost." "I don't want to do this anymore!"

"Can't I just become apart of you again?"

"Hell no!" That hurt a lot more than he had anticipated. China didn't want him back anymore.

Nobody needed him nor wanted him around. That message had been clear. 'Stop judging before others have had their say!' That living logic part of his mind had yelled at him. So instead of hanging up. He stayed quiet instead.

"I am sorry I did not mean to make you feel like you weren't wanted." "But for you to say something like that it makes me angry." "I did not suffer all those wounds for you to come crawling back again."

"Understand this I will never accept you coming back to me." "Because that is not the life you want."

"And I need you to know this as well so please listen to me until the end."

"I'm listening."

With his ear to the phone he inhales and thinks _'I have been stupid what I have said up to this moment has been stupid.' 'The entire point of getting help and reaching out is to listen to other people.'_

_'If you can't even do that Kiku than their is really no future for you.'_

"Rather you are lost or not keep going till you find your way." "And that fact that you are afraid is actually nothing more than anticipation." "Rather it be negative or positive, And it is a display that you have feelings."

"I understand your feelings. But you can not back out of what's to come." "And you can not step away from things creeping up behind you." "Cause no matter what once something is there you just have to deal with it."

"And believe me there is not a single person on this planet that hasn't experienced this inner turmoil."

"Rather they are just a human or a nation like us."

"We all rise above, except the weak that fall into that pit of despair." "Don't be the weak there is not reason for you to be."

"Remember even if everyone deserts you there is always a hand to pull you up." "Rather it be mine or your child someone is always going to be there for you." "Even if it's just your reflection in the mirror. And sometimes you are all you really need to carry on."

"That's all I can say to you I hope you take it to heart." "I can't be there to support you physically and pull you up off that floor." "But I can only hope that my words reach you."

Kiku stared at the space in front of him. He could only wipe his tears and stand up. He felt so much better now. Better than he has felt in a really long time. Words can not describe the burden he felt lifted from his shoulders. And no matter how much he wanted to hug he could not have one.

So he setteled for this instead. "China Xièxiè." He was indeed truly grateful. From the other side of the phone China blushed at his usage of his language. With his mind set at ease he responded

"Kiku Nín de huānyíng." And with that both the phones resounded a click and the call ended.

I hope you all enjoyed this story please leave a review.


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